Can You Find It In Your Heart To Love Me?
by GoddessofSnark
Summary: There is still love in this cold heart, is it in yours?


Disclaimer: They belong to Warner Brothers, JK Rowling, and any other of the Powers That Be. If I owned them, I'd have much fun with them.  
  
Author's Notes: It's just an angsty little vignette about reflecting on a love lost. Odd pairing.  
  
*******  
  
I'm no longer the man I once was. I've changed so much, how can you still want me, how can you still love me after how much I've changed. I once was handsome, there was no doubt about that, I was handsome and everyone knew it. With my piercing blue eyes that could see inside your soul better than my fake one every could hope to. I had long brown hair though, it's the thing that I miss the most, now it's all grizzled and white.  
  
You've changed so very much as well, I noticed that about you. We both have the same amount of scars. Although mine are physical, marring my once good looks, yours are emotional, yours hurt you more than mine hurt mine. Yours hurt you every day, mine only hurt every now and then. You wake up every morning and feel your scars, as they pull tight across what's left of your icy heart. You were always deep, always tragic, but you never used to show it.  
  
You've let yourself go. There was a time twenty years ago, when you were still young, when your hair didn't shine from grease, and your dark eyes were soulful rather than cold and icy. You've become so cold and distant. You've forgotten how to love again. I guess that it was all my fault. I thought you wouldn't want me, not after everything that I did, not after what I've become. I thought you wouldn't want me after how ugly I've become.  
  
I still love you you know. You were always the world to me, you were always the one that made me join this bloody cause in the first place. I met you at school and was intrigued by you, you were always so dashing, so dark. You were a year behind me, but I didn't care. You were the dashing young Slytherin, the forbidden fruit that I could taste. You loved to taunt me, to bait me, much like Harry and Draco do. I see it in their eyes, the same thing that was in us, in our eyes.  
  
They want each other as much as I wanted you. And you wanted me. We were so happy those years that we shared together, why did you stop it? You were the one that broke it off, the one that ended it, it wasn't me. You were the one that I wanted so much, but you stopped it, you were afraid you weren't enough for me. I was always there for you, I even took you back after you went astray. You went so very wrong, and I would have killed you if you were anyone else.  
  
But you were the one I loved, I couldn't kill you. instead I saved you. I took you under my wing and turned you back to the good side. And we were happy again. And then I lost you. I can still remember the day that I left you, I left you out of my own pride, and I've hated myself every day since then. It was my fault that we were separated, that you became the man you are now, afraid to let anyone, anyone at all into your heart.  
  
Let me back into your heart again, I still love you, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid you won't love me, look at me now. You are still handsome, even though you don't look at hing like you used to. You are still the man that you were ages ago, you have only changed slightly physically. But you've become so bitter, even more so than I have, which most find hard to believe. You've become a bitter old man, impervious to love.  
  
But love once again, love me again. We were so happy together, we can still be happy together. I still want you, do you still want me, this damaged old man? While I may be scarred physically, my heart can still feel. I still love you, and I'm sure somewhere in that heart you can still love. Give me a second chance, please? Take this as the desperate plea of a lonely old man. Take this as the cry of love, of hope. I still love you, but can you find it in your heart to love me the way you once did, can you still love this damaged old man?  
  
Can you find it in your heart to look past the defects? Can you find it in your heart to look past the wooden leg, the one that I hate, the thing that I would give my arm to get rid of, although that would put me in nearly the same position. Can you look past the scars that cover my body, scars that I got tracking down many people, the very people I saved you from? Can you look past the eye that I lost in a hard won fight? Can you find it in you to see me as the man that I once was?  
  
Because hidden behind this mass of scars, hidden behind this torrid gimp, and hidden deep inside the flask of brandy that has become my heart, my soul, I can still feel. I still have a heart, I still can feel things, can still love you. I do still love you, and I will always love you. I've loved you since I was a young, idealistic Gryffindor, and you were the dark, brooding Slytherin. I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you. And I can still love you. If I can find it in my heart to still love you, can you find it in your heart to still love me?  
  
***********  
  
A/N: In case you couldn't figure it out, it's Moody reflecting on Snape. 


End file.
